I try to blame all of the breakdowns that Melissa has on the pregnancy. Even though I sometimes have to separate what is pregnancy and whats not, (remember ladies it's pregnant, NOT CRIPPLE) sometimes its super obvious which one is which, LOL.
So Melissa makes two sandwiches. I thought both of these sandwiches were for David. David being the three year old that he is decided to eat the peanut butter off of the first one and then trow it in the garbage. Yes...ha....ha...ha. But getting back to the subject, I didn't want the other sandwich to go to waste, so I started to eat it.
Now let me pause to tell you, don't get in between a pregnant woman and her food. Luckily Melissa just looked at me and angrily said, "THAT WAS MINE. Now your gonna make me another sandwich and it better have A LOT of peanut butter on it." Seeing that I had dodged a bullet I agreed. I made the sandwich and all was forgiven, the planets aligned and the world was at peace. That is until i got the bright idea that the first sandwich, you know, the one that I took a bite off of in the first place, I thought I could eat that one. Melissa grabbed it off of my plate and took half of it in one bite. I proceeded to take half of the sandwich that I had just made Melissa and take it for my own. Melissa stopped looked at me and then stormed off into the bedroom where i could hear the door lock. GREAT..........
I knocked on the door in a very apologetic manner and said, "Melissa can I come in?" A slow metallic click sounded and the door cracked open. I entered to see Melissa sitting on the bed, tears welling up in her eyes and her cheeks were full like she had just won the "chubby bunny" contest. "Melissa, whats wrong?" I asked. Then the full out drama took over. Melissa broke into a full cry and said "*sob* I wanted all of the sandwiches *sob*." I resisted my urge to make a joke about fat kids talking with their mouths full and decided the better course of action would be to comfort her. What ever happened to the fantasy that marriage was all about having sex whenever you want. *Sigh*
Oh and I figured out why some super markets are going out of business. I was walking into Winco and I saw before my eyes......the mother load of all shopping cart gatherings and then I realized that every super market in the world are over loaded with shopping carts. I don't know about you but I've never see all of them being used at the same time. I've seen the parking lot full and I've still had trouble walking around the carts at the entrance of the store. So there it is, TAKE THAT WALL STREET.
Lastly if you have children, and you want to go to the beech, remember......that being buried in the sand always turns out worse then you plan it. No your child will not stop walking and jumping on you, no the wind will not stop putting sand in your eyes and NO your wife will not stop laughing.
Ok guys until next time, lock your doors and kiss your kids. G'night.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Here she is MISS AMERICA
During the show (Miss America Pageant), Perez Hilton (pageant judge) asked Miss California (Carrie Prejean), "Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?"
This is an excerpt from an article on OMG! The subject of the article being that Miss California lost the crown of Miss America due to her answer to the question posted. This was her answer:
"Well I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. Um, we live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and in, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman," Carrie said to a mix of boos and applause. "No offense to anybody out there. But that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be between a man and a woman."
This whole thing worries me in many different ways. First of all in an interview with Larry King, Perez stated that this answer bothered him because Miss America should be politically correct, should be every ones Miss America and not just those who share her views. Well that's fine Mr. Perez but I have a few things to point out.
I wasn't there so I cant tell you how Perez felt, he has not talked with me and I don't pretend to know what he is thinking. I did however see his face after the answer was given. He looked disappointed, and I don't feel that it was because he had high hopes for her. I believe that he was hurt and upset by this. I mean WOW! How about some professional courtesy Mr. Perez. As a judge, you should have left your feelings at the door no matter what, as in not showing your personal emotions when someone gives an answer you don't like. And maybe, you should listen to your question. You asked how she felt she let you know. If you have personal investment in this subject you should have never asked it, PERIOD. Finally, I believe you are a coward. Miss California said these things because she believed them, and while she was saying it, she looked scared because I think she believed she would receive back lash. But you Mr. Perez had the audacity to lie in front of the whole nation about this issue. I hope you can sleep at night knowing that the people you judge have more courage than you. Good luck Mr. Perez.
This brings to light scary things for our future. My darkest fear is that these issues will be considered on the same level as the civil rights movement. By this I mean that people like Carrie Prejean will be considered bigots and hateful.
I am not a hateful man and I would lay down my life for anyone. THAT is not a lie. I would do this regardless of almost any issues separating me from another person. However I believe in God, and I believe that he has a plan and a crucial part of that plan involves the reproduction of our species so that all of his children have a chance to be on this earth. Due to this belief I believe that same sex relations hinder this process. My belief will not change because I fear my God more then I fear my peers. I will say that I am not out in the world trying to convince anyone to change their sexual preference. If someone asked me for my opinion I would gladly give it, but I also believe that God gave us free agency so that we may choose our own paths in life.
My hope is that in this cold war of beliefs, we will realize that differences of opinions are not sufficient cause for hate on either side. To sum it all up, it just plain worries me.
On a better note Melissa was in Target and a Mentally Delayed man walked up behind Melissa while she was buying something from the food court. After Melissa was done this individual walked to the counter and stated, "I would like a smoothie please." The cashier then said "OK, that will be $2.00." The man reached into his pocket and pulled out two pennies. With confidence he placed them on the counter and waited for his smoothie. The cashier looked at the man and said, "OK, well do you have $1.98 more?" And thus the battle began. The man reached over and over into his pocket pulled out more change and waited for his smoothie, while the cashier calmly responded by telling the man how much he was short over and over again.
Eventually Melissa looked over the shoulder of the man and mouthed a silent "I'll get it," to the cashier. After Melissa was done paying for the mans smoothie she turned around to see a woman who told Melissa that she had done a good thing. Embarrassed and a little confused Melissa walked away.
A little weird that Melissa was Confused? I think not. After hearing this I felt the same way she did. Melissa did this not to be nice or for praise, but because it had to be done. It wasn't a question of should I or shouldn't I, it was just something that should be. So receiving prise for this action would feel weird to me too. But in case she ever reads this.....Melissa I love you for being such a good person.
OK that's enough for tonight, later guys.
This is an excerpt from an article on OMG! The subject of the article being that Miss California lost the crown of Miss America due to her answer to the question posted. This was her answer:
"Well I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. Um, we live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and in, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman," Carrie said to a mix of boos and applause. "No offense to anybody out there. But that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be between a man and a woman."
This whole thing worries me in many different ways. First of all in an interview with Larry King, Perez stated that this answer bothered him because Miss America should be politically correct, should be every ones Miss America and not just those who share her views. Well that's fine Mr. Perez but I have a few things to point out.
I wasn't there so I cant tell you how Perez felt, he has not talked with me and I don't pretend to know what he is thinking. I did however see his face after the answer was given. He looked disappointed, and I don't feel that it was because he had high hopes for her. I believe that he was hurt and upset by this. I mean WOW! How about some professional courtesy Mr. Perez. As a judge, you should have left your feelings at the door no matter what, as in not showing your personal emotions when someone gives an answer you don't like. And maybe, you should listen to your question. You asked how she felt she let you know. If you have personal investment in this subject you should have never asked it, PERIOD. Finally, I believe you are a coward. Miss California said these things because she believed them, and while she was saying it, she looked scared because I think she believed she would receive back lash. But you Mr. Perez had the audacity to lie in front of the whole nation about this issue. I hope you can sleep at night knowing that the people you judge have more courage than you. Good luck Mr. Perez.
This brings to light scary things for our future. My darkest fear is that these issues will be considered on the same level as the civil rights movement. By this I mean that people like Carrie Prejean will be considered bigots and hateful.
I am not a hateful man and I would lay down my life for anyone. THAT is not a lie. I would do this regardless of almost any issues separating me from another person. However I believe in God, and I believe that he has a plan and a crucial part of that plan involves the reproduction of our species so that all of his children have a chance to be on this earth. Due to this belief I believe that same sex relations hinder this process. My belief will not change because I fear my God more then I fear my peers. I will say that I am not out in the world trying to convince anyone to change their sexual preference. If someone asked me for my opinion I would gladly give it, but I also believe that God gave us free agency so that we may choose our own paths in life.
My hope is that in this cold war of beliefs, we will realize that differences of opinions are not sufficient cause for hate on either side. To sum it all up, it just plain worries me.
On a better note Melissa was in Target and a Mentally Delayed man walked up behind Melissa while she was buying something from the food court. After Melissa was done this individual walked to the counter and stated, "I would like a smoothie please." The cashier then said "OK, that will be $2.00." The man reached into his pocket and pulled out two pennies. With confidence he placed them on the counter and waited for his smoothie. The cashier looked at the man and said, "OK, well do you have $1.98 more?" And thus the battle began. The man reached over and over into his pocket pulled out more change and waited for his smoothie, while the cashier calmly responded by telling the man how much he was short over and over again.
Eventually Melissa looked over the shoulder of the man and mouthed a silent "I'll get it," to the cashier. After Melissa was done paying for the mans smoothie she turned around to see a woman who told Melissa that she had done a good thing. Embarrassed and a little confused Melissa walked away.
A little weird that Melissa was Confused? I think not. After hearing this I felt the same way she did. Melissa did this not to be nice or for praise, but because it had to be done. It wasn't a question of should I or shouldn't I, it was just something that should be. So receiving prise for this action would feel weird to me too. But in case she ever reads this.....Melissa I love you for being such a good person.
OK that's enough for tonight, later guys.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Philosipher and the Spartan
I was formally introduced to the word Spartan in 2003 when I went arrived at basic training. Second platoon was the Spartans. We were third platoon, The Death Dealers. I remember thinking to myself that I'm glad we didn't get a stupid name like Spartans. Of course when I arrived at my first duty station I soon realised that our battalion was 1-36IN "SPARTANS". Boy did i feel stupid. Of course at this time I didn't know the difference between this type of warrior or a Trojan or a Roman.....etc.
"300" Came out and everyone wanted to be a spartan. I still wasn't convinced. I held to my conclusion that the Spartan was the dumbest name we could have been called and that was final.
After my time in the Army I attended the police academy and got a job with the city of Red Bluff. I realized that I was riding the thin line between irony and thick headedness when the local high school's mascot was a Spartan. ALRIGHT, you win. I decided to do some research.
Every civilization has flaws. The Spartans, had huge flaws but their greatest attribute was brotherhood. They had pride in the way that they conducted themselves and who they represented. Very few civilizations could lay claim to not having a single civil war, the Spartans were among them. Each spartan man, woman and child knew that they had a duty to perform and they were bound by this in their souls.
The undoing of the Spartans came not at a time of war, but peace. After years of war and then victory, the Spartans decided that they would become conquerors. Not enslaving the kingdoms around them, but declaring that they would follow Spartan tradition. But without a war to fight the Spartans became overbearing and tyrannical. Often forcing people to submit to their way of living. The Spartans cold not adjust to a time of peace. The neighboring kingdoms rose up against the Spartans, drove them back to their home city and surrounded them. The Spartans, land locked, were defeated and left to be only a shadow of their former glory.
The philosopher is hardly man who needs to be explained. Typical when I think of a philosophical man I think of a man who seeks enlightenment. Who uses logic and clear thinking to solve problems and help their fellow man. Although I can tell you right now that WWII was not won by these men. Point of fact is that there is a necessity for both of these types of people.
I look at our society today and I don't see Spartans, but I also don't see philosophers. I see a lost people who don't know what their duty is in this life.
What can we take from this lesson? Well if i had to pick and choose the best lessons from both parties I would choose the loyalty, duty, fearlessness, determination and a never say die attitude of the spartan. I would then turn around and educate myself. I would take time to talk with different people. I would teach my son the importance of life and not death and when faced with a problem I would seek a peaceful way first, exhaust my choices and then fight only when necessary.
I believe that we use labels for ourselves too often, Liberal, Democrat, Republican, Conservative Independent, etc. But I believe that we need a balance of all these things. Its my hope that in the future there will be no lines separating us, but rather a universal goal to improve our lives and stay loyal to the standards we set.
As for me, I'm just Loren, picking and choosing the best and the worst of the lessons I learn.
"300" Came out and everyone wanted to be a spartan. I still wasn't convinced. I held to my conclusion that the Spartan was the dumbest name we could have been called and that was final.
After my time in the Army I attended the police academy and got a job with the city of Red Bluff. I realized that I was riding the thin line between irony and thick headedness when the local high school's mascot was a Spartan. ALRIGHT, you win. I decided to do some research.
Every civilization has flaws. The Spartans, had huge flaws but their greatest attribute was brotherhood. They had pride in the way that they conducted themselves and who they represented. Very few civilizations could lay claim to not having a single civil war, the Spartans were among them. Each spartan man, woman and child knew that they had a duty to perform and they were bound by this in their souls.
The undoing of the Spartans came not at a time of war, but peace. After years of war and then victory, the Spartans decided that they would become conquerors. Not enslaving the kingdoms around them, but declaring that they would follow Spartan tradition. But without a war to fight the Spartans became overbearing and tyrannical. Often forcing people to submit to their way of living. The Spartans cold not adjust to a time of peace. The neighboring kingdoms rose up against the Spartans, drove them back to their home city and surrounded them. The Spartans, land locked, were defeated and left to be only a shadow of their former glory.
The philosopher is hardly man who needs to be explained. Typical when I think of a philosophical man I think of a man who seeks enlightenment. Who uses logic and clear thinking to solve problems and help their fellow man. Although I can tell you right now that WWII was not won by these men. Point of fact is that there is a necessity for both of these types of people.
I look at our society today and I don't see Spartans, but I also don't see philosophers. I see a lost people who don't know what their duty is in this life.
What can we take from this lesson? Well if i had to pick and choose the best lessons from both parties I would choose the loyalty, duty, fearlessness, determination and a never say die attitude of the spartan. I would then turn around and educate myself. I would take time to talk with different people. I would teach my son the importance of life and not death and when faced with a problem I would seek a peaceful way first, exhaust my choices and then fight only when necessary.
I believe that we use labels for ourselves too often, Liberal, Democrat, Republican, Conservative Independent, etc. But I believe that we need a balance of all these things. Its my hope that in the future there will be no lines separating us, but rather a universal goal to improve our lives and stay loyal to the standards we set.
As for me, I'm just Loren, picking and choosing the best and the worst of the lessons I learn.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
It's not you, it's me.
Amazingly I have just been informed that anything I touch will go wrong. I have not had this blog for more then few hours before it was discovered by my wife and then picked apart as nothing more then a new weapon in my evil arsenal. My wife said, and I do quote, "This is just a way of you annoying more then just me and in mass quantities."
I have to admit I was taken aback because I love my wife so much and I really feel she is starting to understand me; however, I also feel it is my duty to lash back at her and bring her intimate ugly flaws to the surface........ok kidding.
But I will take a moment to comment on chick flicks. My wife just recently saw The Women and wants everyone to know how good this movie is. When she was done watching it, she gabbed my ear off telling me the whole story about empowered women and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. The room had so much estrogen in it, I was surprised that I didn't drop an egg.
So real quick I want to give a shout out to all the men who have to put up with these things.......these women things. This is my rant against all of the birthing videos, the girls outings and the mood swings. The bargain shopping that doesn't save you money because she does it so much. The girlfriends that never laugh at your jokes (maybe just me). And finally all of the outfits that she tries on that I give an opinion about but somehow I am still not being honest.
These things can be considered tiresome, tedious, nagging and dare I say it, annoying.
Yes I feel better about myself already.
I have to admit I was taken aback because I love my wife so much and I really feel she is starting to understand me; however, I also feel it is my duty to lash back at her and bring her intimate ugly flaws to the surface........ok kidding.
But I will take a moment to comment on chick flicks. My wife just recently saw The Women and wants everyone to know how good this movie is. When she was done watching it, she gabbed my ear off telling me the whole story about empowered women and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. The room had so much estrogen in it, I was surprised that I didn't drop an egg.
So real quick I want to give a shout out to all the men who have to put up with these things.......these women things. This is my rant against all of the birthing videos, the girls outings and the mood swings. The bargain shopping that doesn't save you money because she does it so much. The girlfriends that never laugh at your jokes (maybe just me). And finally all of the outfits that she tries on that I give an opinion about but somehow I am still not being honest.
These things can be considered tiresome, tedious, nagging and dare I say it, annoying.
Yes I feel better about myself already.
Take me out to the Hospital!
Ok, just to get things started, I wanna say that I will make entries on things of the world, things I'm going through and anything I think about in my head. It just so happens that I went to the hospital for a birthing center orientation tour and the only thing I wanted in my head was a bullet. Sad i know.....that no one had a gun.
I'm not saying it was all bad I definitely got cool points with the wife Melissa. She was all smiles and love for me. The worst part for me was just holding back what I wanted to say. Like when the tour guide hooked up the squatting bar to the bed I wanted to say, "Great, now I can practice my gymnastics in between contractions." Or how about when the Dula came in and demonstrated how close the doctor was gonna get to the vagina, I was about to die with laughter day dreaming about the radio man trying desperately to get a signal. And the Coup De Gra occurred when the 60 year old Dula put her legs in the stirrups and performed a few hip thrusts to demonstrate the position. All the while she maintained her cool, collected, tour guide demeanor.
Pros: Good points with the Wife I recommend any caring husband to do this, because you care.
6 1/2 Handsome Husbands up.
Cons: Tons of couples who are really uninformed and you might have to listen to all of their stupid questions. Not to mentions they made something that could have been summed up in 15 minuets last an hour and a half. Now that's talent.
7 incoming fetuses down
Good luck gentlemen.....YOU"LL NEED IT.
I'm not saying it was all bad I definitely got cool points with the wife Melissa. She was all smiles and love for me. The worst part for me was just holding back what I wanted to say. Like when the tour guide hooked up the squatting bar to the bed I wanted to say, "Great, now I can practice my gymnastics in between contractions." Or how about when the Dula came in and demonstrated how close the doctor was gonna get to the vagina, I was about to die with laughter day dreaming about the radio man trying desperately to get a signal. And the Coup De Gra occurred when the 60 year old Dula put her legs in the stirrups and performed a few hip thrusts to demonstrate the position. All the while she maintained her cool, collected, tour guide demeanor.
Pros: Good points with the Wife I recommend any caring husband to do this, because you care.
6 1/2 Handsome Husbands up.
Cons: Tons of couples who are really uninformed and you might have to listen to all of their stupid questions. Not to mentions they made something that could have been summed up in 15 minuets last an hour and a half. Now that's talent.
7 incoming fetuses down
Good luck gentlemen.....YOU"LL NEED IT.
Drum Roll Please
Have you ever sat there and had a million things to say about everything going on in the world but can't say it because you have no where to write it down at? Me either, BUT I did find this site that will let me blog my heart out. And that's what I'm going to do.
I've got a lot to say about EVERYTHING. In fact I challenge you to find me issues to talk about. My life is based on dissecting and making opinions.
Now I have the great job of telling you who I am. My name is Loren Keely and before you ask, I'm a dude, but thanks for your numbers and pickup lines they were all filed in the do not read basket and I'll cherish them forever. I'm married to my wife Melissa (last name will remain anonymous to protect the innocent), who is pregnant and I have a son named David. We are happy sometimes. I won' t lie, family is hard but awesome. Life's ultimate oxymoron. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
We belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and are proud Americans. I am 24 years old, I just stopped being a Police Officer and before that I was a Soldier in the United States Army (Infantry). I enjoy video games, books, talk radio, MOVIES and at the bottom of the list is working out but it's only enjoyable when I'm doing it.
Whats my selling point you ask.....besides wit and charm.....I don't care. I dare you to stick around a little and read my blog but i don't care if you do or don't. Its your loss if you don't.
I've got a lot to say about EVERYTHING. In fact I challenge you to find me issues to talk about. My life is based on dissecting and making opinions.
Now I have the great job of telling you who I am. My name is Loren Keely and before you ask, I'm a dude, but thanks for your numbers and pickup lines they were all filed in the do not read basket and I'll cherish them forever. I'm married to my wife Melissa (last name will remain anonymous to protect the innocent), who is pregnant and I have a son named David. We are happy sometimes. I won' t lie, family is hard but awesome. Life's ultimate oxymoron. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
We belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and are proud Americans. I am 24 years old, I just stopped being a Police Officer and before that I was a Soldier in the United States Army (Infantry). I enjoy video games, books, talk radio, MOVIES and at the bottom of the list is working out but it's only enjoyable when I'm doing it.
Whats my selling point you ask.....besides wit and charm.....I don't care. I dare you to stick around a little and read my blog but i don't care if you do or don't. Its your loss if you don't.
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